Although Indonesian society has dramatically changed over the past few decades, it still remains a traditional one with a wide variety of rituals and social and culturally-determined customs. Even today, in more modern Indonesia, youngsters struggle with issues related to, for example, love and sex.
In a traditional, family-oriented society like Indonesia, boys and, in particular, girls, are supposed to refrain from sex (read; intercourse) until they are married. The vast majority of Indonesia's youngsters not only accepts, but also completely agrees with, this situation and voluntarily obeys by this rule. The ultimate goal of a love affair is getting married.
This is not specific Indonesian, however, but applies to most countries in Asia. But in Indonesia, predominantly in Sundanese (West Java) and Javanese (Central and East Java) culture, lovers have to deal with one extra condition; Indonesian young women and young men have to respect their elder sibling(s) when it comes to marriage. This means that a young woman or man can only marry when her/his elder sibling is already married. In order not to "embarass" her/his older sibling, the younger one has to wait until the older one is "safely" married.
What is the implication of this condition ? It can have a dramatic impact on the lives of young men and women in Indonesia and may even result in broken-off love relationships out of respect for older sisters. This especially applies for highschool or college love affairs whereby lovers may have to wait for several years, sometimes even a decade, before being "allowed" to get married.
Lovers may have to end their relationship because an older sibling is blocking the way to their marriage. Keeping the other "on a string" would not be fair. Instead, breaking off the relationship will set the other free and create new, better chances, for a love relationship that doés have the potential of resulting in marriage. Occasionally, however, the younger brother or sister does get the green light after having asked the older sibling special permission to marry first.
This article appeared earlier in e-magazine Business Trends Asia
